Is this my past here before me?

One step forward, back to the adventure, the unknown, the challenge. A revisiting of a somewhat familiar...But this duality tears me apart. Two different points in the world. Two contrasting faces, each protecting the soft underbelly waiting to be overwhelmed with doubt, hesitation and the two-faced assassin: hope. What face do I wear? Do I not measure up if I do this? Will I be castigated with criticism or shrugged off with indifference? All these questions, taunting me. Destroying me from within. I live with my decisions, they sleep in my bed, they walk in my shoes, they eat my food....they are a part of me as I am of this Earth. I want to know the reason why I'm here, the way I am, feeling the things I feel. I can barely control all these emotions, emotions I have barely experienced, lived, manipulated, accepted. Perhaps in time, it will be made clear to me what sort of man I'm meant to be. For now, I can't decide................